maybe i made a mistake.

i had a feeling it would come to this, this messy ugly kicking screaming match that's only gonna have one winner. i had a feeling.

but how was i supposed to know that this was the right feeling to listen to?  I sort of felt like I was in that medieval torture device, where they attach cows to each limb and then light fires under the cows' asses to make them jump and scatter away.  The person on the inside ends up getting torn to shreds because they're literally, torn.

you're tugging me one way, i'm tugging me another. my guidance counselor has one of the last two limbs, and my friends another.

i keep having the opportunity to relinquish, and i finally gave in, to you and my friends, who were tugging on the same side.

we're not going to talk.  we're not going to be anything.  do i still think we have a chance to be great? sure. but practically, as you say, practically, that might not happen.  it's just another one of my feelings, one that may (or may not) come true, but one that i think i'll keep tucked away in the back corner of my brain. it'll be like a folded note, my last secret letter to you, one that i can pull out in comfort every once in a while and revel in the honesty of it, the joy and pain of my last honest feelings for you him.