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please.  i just want to be okay.

i just need somebody to hold me close and tell me everything is going to be okay. 

me: not funny!! ughhhh haha and then i missed HIM like hell
bj: Hahah only cause he treated you better than that, that's the only reason.

for vl

At least I can say I tried. I can't say I wish I'd told you how I felt, because I did, and it wasn't enough for you.  Nothing was enough for you, not my promises or my apologies or me.  Why not?  What more do you need?  I'd do everything for you, everything and anything, if only you'd stop breaking my heart.

i have never missed somebody so much. 

please let me get to this point.

so please, stay away from him.

"In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer."

Albert Camus

7 hours ago / 19 notes

interesting, not even facebook refers to us as friends anymore.

…there is nothing heavier than compassion. Not even one’s own pain weighs so heavy as the pain one feels with someone, for someone, a pain intensified by the imagination and prolonged by a hundred echos.

- Milan Kundera

i am done letting you get away with hurting me so easily.

why am i just an "annoyance" to you?

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Growth is necessary.  Expansion of mind, to open myself to the unexpected, of body, to physically allow for such growth, and of soul, to adapt to, perhaps even accept, my most gruesome enemies.  I realize that life is too short to fight in and incite a new weekly battle, and I realize that I love life so much more without such annoyances.  So I brush it aside, I eliminate the chance, because I tell myself I can.  Endurance is key; perseverance weighs heavier, though.  Let this be the start to a new life, a better life, a less-complicated self and a more-secure me.  -- his words. he's done, isnt he?

hahaha "do you and__ have a thing?"

well you need to understand that you essentially settled for joe in sense, you're so amazingly pretty, funny, and intelligent that essentialy you could get any guy you want.

i am so done with feeling worthless, like i am the last thing in the world that matters to you. to someone, i do matter. i might not know exactly who right now, i might not be exactly sure of who I even am right now, or if I have changed, like you insist, but i know someone thinks im worth something, or i wouldn't still be here.

She felt as if she were brimming, always producing and hoarding more love inside her. But there was no release.

JONATHAN SAFRAN FOER,

no, it's okay, i already have.

"When we love, we always strive to become better than we are. When we strive to become better than we are, everything around us becomes better too."

Paulo Coelho

you told me yesterday, that i made you a better person.  you said i challenged you, i changed you, i formed you into the person you are now. 


if i knew this was how you'd end up, i'd take it all back. you're different, and i miss my you. 

"Some people care too much.  I think it's called love." - Winnie the Pooh

what i'd give to feel worth it again. 

"It may seem the hardest to do, but you have to forget the guy who forgot about you" - The Notebook

maybe i made a mistake.

i had a feeling it would come to this, this messy ugly kicking screaming match that's only gonna have one winner. i had a feeling.

but how was i supposed to know that this was the right feeling to listen to?  I sort of felt like I was in that medieval torture device, where they attach cows to each limb and then light fires under the cows' asses to make them jump and scatter away.  The person on the inside ends up getting torn to shreds because they're literally, torn.

you're tugging me one way, i'm tugging me another. my guidance counselor has one of the last two limbs, and my friends another.

i keep having the opportunity to relinquish, and i finally gave in, to you and my friends, who were tugging on the same side.

we're not going to talk.  we're not going to be anything.  do i still think we have a chance to be great? sure. but practically, as you say, practically, that might not happen.  it's just another one of my feelings, one that may (or may not) come true, but one that i think i'll keep tucked away in the back corner of my brain. it'll be like a folded note, my last secret letter to you, one that i can pull out in comfort every once in a while and revel in the honesty of it, the joy and pain of my last honest feelings for you him.

and then what? i've given up; there isn't anything forward if that's the case

i know it means absolutely nothing to you because that's what i mean to anybody any more but i am actually sorry. I'm sorry that i couldn't make this work out between us (because I did give up annie and i think you know that even though you constantly say that it was your fault, that you pushed me too far or whatever). I stopped trying, because i wasn't enjoying our relationship more than not enjoying it, and so i dropped the ball. And now things are changed and it's so impossible between us and it's my fault we are arguing like this and are beginning to resent each other (because i'm sensing that from you) so i'm sorry! i don't know how to make it right, i don't know if we can. i'm sorry.

but does it stay that way?

i feel like such a coward, yet everyone seems to be trying to convince me that running away is the strong thing to do this time, it's the brave thing to do, it's the right thing to do.

but it's not. they're wrong, and you're wrong, and everyone's wrong, because the only thing that makes me feel okay anymore is knowing, and knowing everything will be okay, and i know no one will ever make me feel as okay as you did when we were together.

why are we fighting this, joe?  i dont want any of this, i dont want any of this nonsense, i just want the chance to fall in love with you all over again. that's it. that's all i want.

can't wait to believe this again